Everyone wants to feel loved, but different people feel and express that love in different ways. I found this list here
about a year ago, and even though Caleb and I are just dating, we've always wanted to know what makes the other feel loved and respected. Because men and women feel loved through different actions, there are two parts to this series. Today I'm providing a list of 100 ways to love your spouse HIS way, and on Wednesday will be the list of 100 ways to love your spouse HER way
By no means is this a list of do and don'ts, or what you're not doing right. No. That's not the intention. The purpose of this is to get to know what kind of actions speak to your significant other's love language. Use it to learn their view certain things. These are only suggestions - not everything will apply to everyone. Have fun! The list is pretty exciting as you go through it.
SCROLL DOWN TO LEARN HOW TO USE THE LIST + GET A FREE PRINTABLE WORKSHEET!! :)
- Respectfully communicate with him.
- Let him know he’s important to you.
- Purposefully try to understand his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
- Show interest in his friends giving him some time with them if they’re trust-worthy.
- Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
- Tell him you both love him AND like him.
- Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (D Ramsey)
- Protect his dignity on a daily basis.
- When confronting him, realize he has feelings also.
- Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
- Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion, giving him time to adjust.
- When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems—have fun instead.
- Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of focusing so often on the negatives.
- Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
- Give him special time with you apart from the children.
- The first minutes after a spouse comes home often sets the stage for how the rest of the evening will go. Try to make that time a positive experience. (Ease into the negative.)
- Give him time to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be much more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
- Don’t allow family members to treat him disrespectfully. Defend him to anyone that dishonors his place as your husband.
- Compliment him often.
- Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
- Talk with him about having specific family goals for each year to achieve together to feel closer as a marital team.
- Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
- Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
- Find ways to show him you need him.
- Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)
- Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
- Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Love protects (1 Cor. 13:7).
- Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
- Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
- Take time for the two of you to sit and talk calmly (schedule it when necessary).
- Initiate going out on romantic outings (when he’s not tired).
- Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
- Surprise him with a fun gift of some kind that he’d really enjoy.
- Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
- Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is (giving him specific reasons).
- Give advice in a loving way — not in a nagging or belittling way.
- Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
- Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.
- Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
- Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
- Take special notice for what he has done for you and the family.
- Brag about him to other people both in front of him and even when he’s not there.
- Keep conversations brief when he’s tired—so he isn’t “flooded” by too many words.
- Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
- Honor him in front of the children (differ respectfully in private when necessary).
- ”Look straight into the eyes of your husband when he talks to you or if you’re speaking to him. This will make him feel that you are interested in what he wants to say.” (J. Clain)
- Get up with him, even when he gets up earlier than you want to and pray with him (you can go back to bed afterward, if possible —it’s a sacrifice worth making.)
- Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
- Participate in shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him (like watching a movie and such) without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
- Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.
- When your husband is in a bad mood give him time to recover. Don’t crowd him.
- Help him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education when your see he needs it.
- Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
- Work to get rid of habits that annoy him.
- Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.
- Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
- Thank him for things he’s done around the house. (It means a lot to men).
- Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do it as “unto the Lord.”
- Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
- Do little things for him—let him sleep in, bring him coffee, etc.
- Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
- Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
- Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
- Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
- Discover his sexual needs.
- Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
- Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
- Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
- Don’t quarrel over words.
- Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.)
- When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
- As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
- Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
- Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
- Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
- Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
- Tell him you love him more often.
- Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
- Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
- Don’t expect him to read your mind (despite your thinking he should— extend grace).
- Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
- Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff, when possible.
- Put effort in to keep yourself in good shape so he’s especially proud to be with you.
- Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
- Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
- Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
- Visit his childhood home with him.
- When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
- Pray for him.
- Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
- Look your best—dress to honor him and make him proud to be seen with you when you’re out together.
- Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
- Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
- Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
- Cheer his successes whether in business or in other areas of everyday living.
- Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
- Give him coupons to redeem—maybe for a back scratch or a shoulder rub.
- Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
- Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
- Thank him for just being himself.
Step 1: Print out the free printable by clicking on the link below. Provide some highlighters and pens to use as well.
Step 2: Ask him to highlight the most meaningful ones as he reads through the list. What speaks to him? What can he relate to?
Step 3: After he has gone through the list, ask him to number them in order of importance to him.
Step 4: Discuss! Talk about why and why he didn't choose certain things. Ask if there are any other things he would add that would make him feel loved.
Step 5: Take his highlighted selections and write/type it into a list! Keep it somewhere where you can see it daily for reference (the refrigerator, bedside table, planner, bulletin board, etc.).
Remember, don't look at this as a list of what you aren't doing right in your relationship, look at it as a special insight into what really makes them feel like they are your #1. Because they are :)
Get your free 100 Ways to Love Him Worksheet here!
Be sure to check out Part 2: How to Love Your Spouse Her Way!!
What are some ways that your husband/boyfriend feels loved?
P.S. 10 Reasons Why I Blog (it also happens to be my very first post, ever)